A few years into our marriage, Andrew bought me an Issey Miyake Bao Bao bag, which cost just over £1,000. Metallic red on one side, and red, navy and silver diagonal stripes on the other. Striking and genuinely beautiful in its way. And absolutely not me …!

I didn’t dislike it. I just couldn’t find the occasion that felt right for it. So I kept it, looked after it and told myself the right event would come eventually. But it never did.

About two years ago, I put it with a consignment company to sell. By that point I’d had it for seven or eight years. And then, if I’m honest, I more or less forgot about it.

It’s coming back. It hasn’t sold; priced too high, apparently, at around £400. So, it’s going on Vinted. And if it doesn’t sell there? It’s heading to a charity event in September, and it’ll help raise funds for Maggie’s.

And I’ll be honest, it’s breaking my heart a little because of what it represents. Had I let it go early on, I could have returned it and exchanged it for something I’d have actually used for the past nine or ten years. That’s the bit that stings.

The thing that keeps people stuck

It’s the cost. It’s almost always the cost.

When something was expensive, holding onto it feels like the responsible thing to do. Letting it go feels like admitting the money was wasted. 

But the money was spent the moment it was bought. Keeping the item doesn’t recoup it – it just means you’re living with something that isn’t right for you.

I say this to clients all the time, and I mean it. I just also know that knowing something and feeling it are two very different things.

When the item was a gift, it’s harder again. There’s guilt layered on top because someone who loves you chose it, thought about it and spent real money on it. Letting it go can feel like rejecting them, not just the thing.

Even Andrew, who knows me well and usually gets it right, didn’t get it right with this one. And that’s okay, it happens. Gifts don’t always fit and that’s nobody’s fault.

The reframe

Keeping something out of obligation doesn’t make you more grateful. It just takes up space (physical space in your home and mental space in your head every time you see it and feel a flicker of guilt).

The bag deserves to go to someone who’ll actually use it. Someone who’ll pull it out of a charity shop or spot it on Vinted and think it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen. 

That feels like the right ending for it. And an ending that’s more useful than another seven years in my wardrobe.

If you’re sitting on something similar …

You don’t have to keep it because it was expensive or because it was a gift, or because the person who gave it to you meant well. 

Your home needs to work for you and it’s allowed to be full of things you actually love and use.

But if guilt keeps getting in the way when you try to let things go, that’s something I can help with – without any pressure.

Get in touch and we’ll work through it together.